How to Combat a Cat and not Lose your Grip

FeoSo, I made it. I’ve been dreaming of having a cat for quite a while since I’ve seen that little furry cutie at my friend’s house. It was all playful and soft and adorable and I decided to get one too. Note that I’m not one of those crazy cat ladies that are drooling over each and every flea-ridden gremlin. I understand the difference between a cool pet and an ugly pet, and I also understood that having a pet is a huge responsibility, but I still wanted to adopt one. Now I know that being a cat’s master is not only a responsibility but also an enormous pain in the neck.

So, my kitten’s name is Feo (don’t ask me why) and he’s a quintessence of evil. No, he’s Satan himself. You couldn’t believe that when look at this tiny ball of fur licking his unmentionables or whatever he does to kill time, but seriously, I’ve never met such a revengeful, sneaky and artful creature in my entire life.
It all began on Sunday, soon after the adoption. My boyfriend came over and asked me why my apartment smells like the Urology Department of the hospital. We inspected the area and I found my hardwood floor all peed. Meanwhile, this little bastard sat next to the little pool he made and stared at us with the most innocent look possible, like “Why, is it something wrong? Why are you so mad, guys? Relax.” Level 80 trolling in my house…
Long story short, I was so mad and grabbed the kitten and started sticking his nose into the lake of urine (not directly into the substance but not far away from it though) to let him understand that it’s bad and all. Then, I sat him into the litter box, like, that’s where you do it, buddy. I thought the issue was fixed, but the worst was yet to come.
The next day I discovered a fresh pool directly in my favorite Steve Madden shoe! Like really, he can hardly walk straight, bumps into things and is having a hard time not choking to death when he’s eating. I used to think he was a little stupid thing but now I realize that he’s an evil genius. I still don’t understand how he managed to be so accurate when peed into my shoe. Seriously, it requires some skill. I bet he’s been practicing for weeks to make this cute surprise.
I struggled with the desire to choke him right there, but I’ve learned my lesson. You can’t punish a cat because its reaction would be the most skillful and cruel vengeance you can possibly imagine. You can get along perfectly for years and live together as a happy family, but once you punish your cat, it poops on your face. So, I decided to find some good ways to domesticate my newly adopted kitten until it’s too late and all my shoes go to the dump.
First and foremost, protect your personal belongings! You don’t want to learn this lesson by trial and error like I did. Just trust me – put all your shoes away, roll the rugs over and don’t leave your clothes on the floor.
I spent 3 days trying to potty train Feo, which sounds not that long, but note that I sat next to him for 24 hours every day. I just put the litter box in the room, locked it, grabbed some magazines and sat there waiting for his bowel movements. That was not what I planned for Friday night, but I didn’t mind sacrificing it to save my shoes collection. So, kittens usually go to the loo approximately 20-30 minutes after feeding, so you want to keep an eye for them and don’t miss the moment. Once you see the kitten is looking for a place to do its dirty job, grab him and put into the litter box.
If it keeps peeing on the floor, take a piece of toilet paper and soak it in the pool (sounds gross, I know, and it’s gross indeed, but that’s how you do it). Put the paper into the litter box. If you’re lucky, your little dummy would think that this is its place of choice from now and go there on a regular basis.
You can also try this toilet training kit
I didn’t try it by people say it’s awesome. As for me, I don’t really want to share my toilet with Feo. I know his character and assume that he would make me wait in the line for the bathroom for hours, but if your kitten is not so cruel, you can give it a try.
Now, scratching. Everyone knows that cats scratch things, but mine tears them to pieces. For some weird reason, he loves torturing my curtains most of all. This Catnip Spray Rejuvenator was really helpful
I just spray it all over the scratching post and this little monster leaves the curtains alone and scratches the post as if it carried his girlfriend off from him or something. Problem solved.
Finally, training. I started thinking of teaching Feo some tricks but decided that he’s too unruly for that. However, I found some information on the Internet and many people say that it’s possible. Anyways, I want to give it a try to finally feel a master because now I feel that he’s totally the boss. I found this article useful:
They say little kittens are not good with such sort of challenges so I should probably wait for several months until he’s old enough to obey someone except for satanic orders that he obviously receives from hell because that’s the only reason that sounds legit when I try to explain his behavior.
So I hope that my sad experience will be useful for some of you guys. If you know some other ways to make your little troglodyte act more or less like a gentleman, please comment below.

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